Millie
TW (Trigger Warning) // Discussions of suicide and sexual assault
“Stay strong to who you are and remember your self worth comes from yourself. Your worth is not determined by others, you are a strong young woman who has an unlimited potential and the resilience to carry you where you need to be. The fact you are trying is proof you are strong.”
Millie has overcome the unimaginable. When she was just a teenager, she was sexually assaulted. Just a few years later she was assaulted again - in broad daylight. The second attack happened while she was still navigating the trauma of the first. These assaults spiraled Millie into the darkness; they completely deteriorated her mental health. No matter where she was, she felt alone, unsafe and afraid. The pain was suffocating, she felt like she had no escape. But Millie is a survivor, and she made the decision to fight. Now she is determined to transform her pain into advocacy. She does this on her Instagram platforms @milliemaureen and @candidmillie where she advocates for mental health and works to tear down social stigmas. She’s a remarkably strong leader who leads with compassion, empathy, and by listening. Despite all the trauma that she has endured, Millie is still standing. This is her story.
P: Please introduce yourself!
M: Hello beautiful people, my name is Millie Grant! I’m from Ōtautahi, Aotearoa (New Zealand). I am a young woman, 21 years old, and half Indian. People love to ask ‘where are you from?’ Or say ‘I can’t put my finger on where you’re from but you look different.’ So for years, I have been told I am different. I love getting tattoos, painting, going to farmers markets, being outdoors (especially the beach), yoga and reading. I think most notably, I love to advocate for all things mental health related. Particularly, PTSD, sexual assault and suicide which I have been personally impacted by. I focus on sharing my story through my instagram, @milliemaureen which is my ‘personal account’, and my project @candidmillie where day by day I share my journey through mental health.
P: Describe or define yourself in your own words.
M: I would like to describe myself as a strong, young wāhine. For a long time I thought I was weak, but now I am confident in my strength. My strength has carried me through my struggles and has kept me here on this crazy planet to advocate for a positive change in mental health and breaking down the social stigmas.
I would also describe myself as very empathetic, sometimes at my own expense. But I love to listen to other people’s struggles and causes. I believe the world would be a much better place if everyone showed active empathy. Listening and understanding is important, but so is active advocating. I believe true advocacy is not just for the causes which directly impact you, it means advocating for everyone who is vulnerable.
P: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
M: My favourite thing about myself is my strength resilience. I thought this was a quality I didn’t have, but I know I am strong and resilient. The things I have been through have shaped me in many ways both positive and negative, but I am still standing. I can be vulnerable, small and scared but I can also be strong and vulnerable. I believe I can be all these things simultaneously because withstanding your struggles no matter how much they beat you down shows strength and resilience.
P: Tell us a story! Have you had an experience that has defined you or made you stronger?
M: My story can be a confronting one to hear, but one I think exhibits strength, resilience and hopefully some helpful advice. When I was 17 and 20, I experienced sexual assaults by two different people. When I was 17, this was the most traumatic experience I could think of and one I was scared to talk about to anyone. I hid from it and tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Then, I was unfortunate enough to experience this again, aged 20, in broad daylight at Hagley park. Both differ in what happened, but because I had already experienced this when I was 17, the experience I had at 20 was very catastrophic to my mental health. It exacerbated my PTSD in ways I thought couldn’t get any worse. I had already felt deeply stuck in a hole, I was unable to climb out of and this seemed to have dug me even deeper. I felt so weak, I felt like I had no strength left in me and this is when I made my first out of four suicide attempts. I felt a crushing pain of being a burden, being stuck, feeling hopeless, and feeling like I was constantly stuck in fight or flight. My PTSD symptoms would keep me up through the night, wake me up, stop me from going out. I didn’t want to leave the safety of my bed. It felt like my brain was constantly searching and alert for any signs of danger or threat, even if the perceived threat was completely non-existent. I felt like a defenseless child, who just wanted to hide from the world. Emotional loneliness is a vague and private experience, not easy to see or describe. But it is a painful experience.
Then I switched my mindset, it wasn’t easy but I did it. Improving your mental health needs to come from within. Nobody can make you and you can’t just snap your fingers and have it done. It is something which you need to choose. I had to choose what I wanted. Did I want the pain of staying where I was? Or the pain of growth? Hiding in bed is easier in the short term, it seems so much easier than peeling yourself out of bed. But it will never get easier, I had to decide whether I wanted to put in some harder work now and endure the pain of discomfort and working through my trauma to get to a place where things are easier or to endure this pain forever? I wanted to recover and change my pain into advocacy. I have started by sharing my story, creating my project @candidmillie, and creating my parliamentary petition. I knew I wanted to make a difference and I started with something which had impacted me, the lack of restrictions around the sales of pharmaceutical drugs in supermarkets. I am super passionate about this and have already had some positive feedback from a few NZ MP’s. I never understood what people meant by turning your negative circumstances into positive ones, but now in hindsight, I think I’ve done it.
P: What is one piece of advice you’d give your younger self?
M: If I could go back in time and tell my younger self something, I would say - the way people treat you is represents their character not yours. People who treat you badly, represent their own character and values, not what you deserve or who you are. Stay strong to who you are and remember your self worth comes from yourself. Your worth is not determined by others, you are a strong young woman who has an unlimited potential and the resilience to carry you where you need to be. The fact you are trying is proof you are strong.
P: What does being a woman mean to you?
M: Being a woman is being beautifully strong both mentally and physically. Often the world can be a harsh place for women to exist, but standing together we can endure anything. It means standing up for what is right and demanding fair and kind treatment for everyone. Women throughout history have been stronger together, women have unlimited potential when they stand together. We are all so different but all so beautiful. Women are strong, beautiful, empathetic and kind. To me it means being resilient and brave enough to stand up for what is right. Being different is okay and I feel like women understand and celebrate differences. We see the strength and unlimited possibilities in differences.
P: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
M: I frequently change, but Chlöe Swarbrick from the NZ Greens Party is currently one of my favourite inspiring women.
I would like to say, thank you for believing in my cause and petition. Thank you for being a strong young wāhine who isn’t afraid to be different and stand up for vulnerable populations. Thank you for encouraging young people to engage in politics and demand political change. I think it is so important to normalise being political. Chatting politics has been a taboo topic for many for years, but it doesn’t need to be. How can we debate, come to change, understand different perspectives if we don’t talk about political issues? I am so grateful she has normalised and encouraged both young people and young women in politics. I aspire to use my political power (even if my power is limited to protesting and voting) in a way which protects vulnerable peoples, as Chlöe does. I am proud to have you representing young women in politics.