Emily
“It’s so important to take the time to seriously sit down and acknowledge things that we like, love, and admire about ourselves...even if it’s hard...which it is.”
Emily is strong, passionate, and extremely thoughtful. She is bubbly and lifts the people around her up. Her emotional intelligence has helped guide her through hardship — her optimism never wavering. She’s the kind of person who stops and smells the roses. Meet Emily. This is her story.
K: Please introduce yourself and describe yourself in your own words!
E: Even though I’ve been on this earth for 24 years (almost 25 - hello quarter life crisis!), this is always an extremely difficult question for me to answer. And I’m not entirely sure why.
Perhaps it’s because life is constantly changing and it’s sometimes hard to keep up and adapt to those changes; or, maybe it’s because even though 24 and 25 seem old and come with the assumption that I should have my life together, it’s really actually a young age. I still have so much life to live, and so many more days and years and moments that will help me establish and learn exactly who I am.
But for now, I can tell you this much:
I am Emily Murphy, an-almost-25-year-old, still figuring herself out. I’m a sister to a funny older brother, a daughter to two inspiring parents, and a girlfriend to a man who teaches me something new every day.
I’m a cat lover, a bagel eater and someone who feels most herself when sitting alone in public. I love to write - even though finding the motivation to write for myself has been increasingly difficult lately with the pandemic going on - and I also love to read for pleasure, which is a new re-discovery I’ve had ever since I bought myself a Kindle LOL treat yo-self!
I live in Boston, and my favorite thing about it is that it’s a walkable city...but, you can catch me taking Lyft’s everywhere from November - April because I simply refuse to walk when it’s below 40 degrees out *laughs nervously*.
I sleep with a stuffed panda named Bamboo, my favorite Gatorade color used to be yellow but now it’s red, and I like the feeling of letting my phone die and being forced to disconnect.
Other than that - there’s not much else I can tell you about myself. These are the only things I can think of that make me who I am in this moment - the rest is always changing. And even though I get a taaaaaad bit annoyed with myself when trying to think of answers for this question, it’s something that I truly wouldn’t trade in for anything else.
I actually like that my life and who I am are both constantly changing, and I like that I have layers. Layers like onions (and ogres) have….just like that Shrek quote….which is actually one last thing I can tell you confidently about myself: I love Shrek.
But yeah, that’s me!
K: What is your favorite thing about yourself?
E: Honestly? The first answers that popped into my head for this question were all stupid, joke answers: the fact that all my tweets typically get at least one favorite! My boobs! How I watched Friends before it was popular! Which then led me to a more reasonable answer - maybe my favorite thing about myself is that I have really bad jokes???? No, no I’m kidding - another bad joke.
I guess if I’m being serious, this is also kind of a hard question, LOL. Isn’t that funny how we can list off a hundred nice things about our pals at the drop of a hat, but when it comes to saying nice things we like about ourselves it suddenly is an impossible task?
This is exactly why things like this - like 365 Days, 365 Women - are so important. It’s so important to take the time to seriously sit down and acknowledge things we like, love, and admire about ourselves...even if it’s hard...which it is, LOL.
But, hm. My favorite thing about myself is… *restrains self from typing out more bad, joke answers*...
Okay last bad joke, I PROMISE.
My favorite thing about myself is the story about my mental health journey.
Like many children, tweens and teens - and even full grown adults - it’s hard to open up, articulate or find someone to talk to about how they’re feeling. They might be ashamed, scared, in denial, confused, or - like me - felt all of the above.
But, when I was in elementary school, I was really depressed due to a lot of different things, and didn’t know how to cope. It was years before someone noticed I was struggling internally, and it wasn’t until a teacher read a story I wrote and decided that I might need help.
Even though secretly I was so relieved someone finally heard my subtle cries, when they sent me to the guidance counselor, I refused to admit and talk about what was going on in my head. I wanted help - and I thankfully had access to getting that help - but I just wasn’t ready, I guess. And as it turned out, I wasn’t really ready to give my all to therapy, and medication and really fight my mental illnesses until a few years ago.
For the past almost-two-decades, I’ve been battling depression and anxiety, and was actually recently diagnosed with something called Borderline Personality Disorder - which, oddly enough, was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Not only does that give me one more thing to talk about with Pete Davidson (LOL he also has BPD so we’re basically soulmates), but it also gives me a chance to further learn about myself, learn new and better coping mechanisms, and most importantly: STRONGLY continue my mental health journey.
I’ve always been pretty open with my friends about what I feel and how my mental illnesses affect me, but now I’m open to talk about it with just about anyone and everyone - especially if my story will help them, or help break the stigma that tends to linger around mental illness.
So, I guess that wasn’t SO hard to determine that my favorite thing about myself is the story about my mental health journey...and my boobs. Definitely my favorite things about myself.
K: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that’s defined you or made you stronger?
E: In a word? Yes. In two words? Fuck yes.
Long-story short, as we all know, 2020 was hard for everyone for a number of reasons, with COVID-19 at the top of everyone’s list. But, for me, in addition to the pandemic, I also went through an extremely hard time in my personal life, and endured two breakups: a breakup with a boyfriend, and a breakup with a best friend. Which hurt more? It’s really hard to say. They both really sucked, LOL.
My time in isolation and quarantine at my parents house in Florida turned into what was supposed to be only a month, into almost six months. I wanted to run away and avoid both my problems and the people in Boston who hurt me - especially because my new-ex-friend doubled as my roommate, and my then-ex-boyfriend happened to live above me.
Returning to Boston didn’t just mean that I was returning to a place with memories that had recently turned sour, it meant that I would be returning to a place where those memories would be right, smack-dab in front of me. But, I eventually had to return because I had to move-out. And when I did return, it was a living hell.
I could hear my ex-friend behind a closed door 10-feet away from me, refusing to be in the same room as me; and I could hear my ex-boyfriend walking around above me and laughing with his roommates as I laid in my bed feeling so sad and so alone.
At the time, I really couldn’t see myself getting out of it. I was quite literally trapped, both inside my apartment and in the city I used to love, and in my own head. I felt - for lack of a better term - completely fucked by the Universe. “What did I do to deserve this?” I wondered.
But, just like every other challenge, I overcame it. I found pockets of happiness and positivity, even in this awful situation. I started to pretend like I was the main character in a movie, and reminded myself that movies ALWAYS have happy endings - and that I would, too.
And sure enough, I did it. I lived with someone who months earlier ended our friendship, and lived below someone who did the same with our relationship. And I sure as hell found my own peace and my own happy ending, and realized: I wasn’t being fucked by the Universe, I was being helped by the Universe, because if I hadn’t gone through that, I never would have truly understood just how strong I am. And I am. I am strong.
K: What is one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?
E: Never, ever, ever forget how strong you are - keep fighting, accept help when someone offers, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Also, DM Timothee Chalamet before he gets famous.
K: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
E: My mom is a woman that inspires me. Which might seem like an obvious answer to most, but it wasn’t always like that. It’s taken me a really, really long time to get here - but I’m here now, and I’m so incredibly happy to feel this way.
Growing up, I had an awful relationship with her. She was an alcoholic in denial, she was mean and nasty, and she wasn’t there for me the way a mother “should” be. And that might be harsh, but that’s just the way it was. I had been hurt by her so many times, and for most of my life, I really couldn’t find it in my heart to truly forgive her.
When she apologized to me for drinking and promised me she wouldn’t drink again, I couldn’t forgive her; when she started to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and get help, I couldn’t forgive her; and when she finally got sober, I still couldn’t forgive her. How could I forgive her?! I felt so sad, so betrayed and so resentful. And embarrassed. My mom’s an alcoholic. Fuck.
And then one day, I had the realization: my mom - just like my dad, and all other parents in the world - are human. No parent is perfect - but also, did they ever claim to be? Fuck no!
She’s a human, she has problems just like I do, and just because she’s a “real adult,” doesn’t mean she has her shit together...hell, I’m a “real adult,” now too, and I sure as hell don’t have my shit together. Nor do I think I ever will!
So, with all that being said, this is what I would say to my mom:
Mom, I love you. I still don’t really get it - but I *do* get it. Life is fuckin’ hard, and we all have problems. Like, I’m depressed as fuck, and you’re an alcoholic. But, we’re still cool, and we’re still Murphys. I’m so happy I got my love of cats, food, swearing and silly jokes from you. Also, thanks for teaching me how to be independent. You’re a great mom. I love you, and am so happy to be your daughter.
