Jo
“Do more homework, get better grades, push the boundaries of what you think you can achieve. Also, make the most of the strong women in your life – ask them questions and learn about how they got to where they are.”
When Jo was just a girl, she was victim to a terrifying experience that involved a grown man violating her privacy. Now as an adult, Jo has devoted her career to advocating for a future where safe and respectful sex is normalised. She does this through her work as a Sex Therapist and a Betrayal Trauma Specialist, and by spreading awareness on the disturbing and demeaning consequences of mainstream porn consumption - the most popular form of sexual education for youth. Through her practice, workshops and public talks, like her TEDX talk Why we need to talk about porn, Jo advocates for open, transparent and positive conversations surrounding sexuality. In doing so, she is fighting for a future where what happened to her doesn’t happen to others - a future defined by mutual respect, media literacy and open communication. Meet Jo. This is her story.
P: Please introduce yourself!
J: I’m Jo – I have a great husband Dave and 3 young boys. I’ve worked in sexual health as a broad topic for 15 years – research, education, therapy, resource development. My formal bio below:
Jo has a Master’s of Science in Medicine specialising in Sex Therapy, through Sydney University, and a Post-Graduate Diploma in Counselling. She has had 15 years experience working in sexual health, through education and counselling. Jo has a private therapeutic practice specialising in problematic sexual behaviours, sexual dysfunction and relationship breakdown due to betrayal. She is also the Research and Training Lead for The Light Project, a charitable trust researching the influence on sexual culture and how to have positive conversations about it. She did a TEDx talk in 2019 titled ‘Why we need to talk about porn’ and speaks across NZ on the topic of “youth and porn”.
P: Describe or define yourself in your own words.
J: I wear a lot of hats, I do a lot of juggling and often just putting one foot in front. I’m a feminist but also love the Bachelor (sorry). I’m happy to be on a stage in front of people but develop social anxiety when in a group, and have struggled with this most of my life. I am an introvert who would always rather be in bed than at a party. I have the most phenomenal man for a husband, shout out to Dave. I have 3 young boys Jack, Beau & Danny who give me so much grief but can also fill my love bucket right up with just one smile. I thought I was going to be the prime minister but surprised myself and became a sex therapist – all thanks to my mum who suggested it in the first place.
P: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
J: I’m very goal oriented, I love to make a plan and I generally stick to it which I have been able to achieve some cool things in my 33 years.
P: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that’s defined you or made you stronger
J: When I was 12 I went to a public swimming pool with my best friend. After swimming we went off to the changing rooms, into separate cubicles to get our clothes on. When I was fully undressed I got this weird feeling and looked up, and saw an adult man watching me over the wall of the cubicle. He had gone in early in the day, locked himself into a cubicle and watched girls/women get changed in there throughout the day. It was terrifying and obviously a terrible experience for a 12 year old. When I went home to tell my parents what had happened, they offered support but a while later said something to the effect of “we are sad for him too that he’s making these choices and obviously is a bit hurt or broken inside”. That was a bit hard to hear at the time but definitely made me think. Over the years I have reflected about that man and thought “what if someone helped him earlier?”, “I wonder what made him think that was an ok thing to do”, “how could we help someone like change and make better choices”. I take these ideas into my work with couples, reflecting on the damaging things people do to each other, but how we can understand what’s going on underneath all the behaviour and help create wholeness again.
P: What is one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?
J: Do more homework, get better grades, push the boundaries of what you think you can achieve. Also, make the most of the strong women in your life – ask them questions and learn about how they got to where they are.
P: What does being a woman mean to you?
J: A few positive things and a few negative things. I’ll start negative first – it means being more scared when you’re walking at night or by yourself, It means knowing a lot of people will underestimate you, it means you can never win in your appearances, you’re always too much or not enough of something. The positives – it means being part of a community who’ve also been underestimated and turned up to kick ass anyways, it means having the privilege of growing, birthing and feeding humans, it means being a role model to young girls who want to change the world but aren’t sure they can.
P: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
J: My sister. We moved a lot as a family growing up so she had to constantly make and break new friendships. This led to some extremely difficult times for her, landing in hard to break drug addictions. She took herself off to rehab though, got clean, volunteered to help other women, and then went onto run the rehab that had got her clean. That is true overcoming. Recently she’s become a mum to my very fine nephew, and this has been my favourite part of her life to watch. She’s not trying to run a big organisation anymore, or aspire to lofty goals, she’s enjoying her season. She’s being present with her boy, changing his world one nappy at a time. I would say to her “you fought hard, now you can rest”
