Monika
“[Being a woman] means I have a deep understanding of life, as I can create one inside my body if I want to. It means I have the power to bleed for a week straight and not die. It means I connect with other sisters through the experiences of our bodies and the fight for gender equality. It means empathy, love for all living creatures, understanding different perspectives.”
Monika is an artistic activist who utilizes her photography and podcast mediums to create a meaningful space for women. Her photoshoots highlight the realities, adversities, and beauty of womanhood, from body positivity to period talk, empowering and connecting women through visually stunning moments. Her innovative approach to feminist discourse is helping to destigmatize topics that are often deemed taboo, encouraging women to feel strong and comfortable in their own skin while sparking honest conversations about their experiences. Meet Monika. This is her story.
Monika featured in a campaign on period poverty for @socialperiod
K: Please introduce yourself!
M: I’m Monika Kozub, artist and founder of Berlin Boudoir. I’m focused on showing women’s beauty and power through all the creative media: photography, illustration, video and podcast Boudoir Talk.
K: Describe yourself in your own words
M: I’m a feminist and a firm believer in sisterhood. I love to broaden my horizons and get to know different perspectives on the world. That’s why I left my home country Poland. I lived in Lisbon, Amsterdam and now in Berlin, where I love the mix of cosmopolitan vibe with freedom to be and do what you want. I like eating ice-cream, dancing in my kitchen while cooking and listening to audiobooks while taking longs walks.
K: What is your favorite thing about yourself?
M: I like my positive energy. I had a lot of luck and love in my life, and I’m happy to share it with others.
K: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that has defined you or made you stronger?
M: A few years ago I was an Airbnb experience host in Berlin, walking with people around the city center and taking their portraits. Majority of my clients were women, travelers, who came to Berlin from all over the world. I was shocked to discover how many of them were self-conscious about their looks. It didn’t matter what they looked like, they always felt “not …(put whatever adjective you want) enough”: not slim enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough… All amazing beautiful women! I was in awe of how stunning they looked and they only saw what the inner critic always told them; the inner critic fed by society, ads and media they saw around.
I had a moment of realization that as a photographer I can actually do something about that. I can take photos that would show them and everyone around how diverse beauty is. And that they don’t have to change anything to feel and look beautiful. As a woman, I understood what they were going through - I had problems accepting the way I looked until my late 20s. And that’s coming from a woman that knows how privileged she was - tall, white and slim. It didn’t matter, I couldn’t look at my naked self in the mirror. I felt that no one would find me attractive with my pale imperfect skin, stretch marks, flat chest and big butt with cellulite.
In the moment I’m describing here, I finally understood that I’m not alone in my problems, that all women go through hell when it comes to our bodies and looks. We’re constantly judged and made to feel that we’re not good enough. We’re told we have to keep our bodies covered because we’re too provoking, but then we’re told we’re prudes. When we connect with our sexuality and expose our bodies, we’re called sluts. When we’re skinny, we’re told to gain weight and get boob jobs. When we’re big, we need to loose weight and stop being lazy. When we’re black we have to straighten the hair, when we’re white we have to tan. Full hair on your head, but no hair on your armpits. Always conflicting messages that make women go crazy. When in truth, we’re beautiful the way we define it. There’s a saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and as Caitlin Moran wonderfully said in her book: “remember you’re not the beauty in this saying, you’re the beholder.” When you shift the subject, it gives you a totally different understanding of what beauty is. Because when you look around you and see that different people like different things - one person will always choose roses, the other one finds them too cheesy and will go for tulips instead. Beauty is versatile and knows no limits.
That’s how Berlin Boudoir started: I wanted to use my creative means and the experience of being a woman to show women’s beauty and power. Because pictures are not enough, I added a podcast to it, called Boudoir Talk, where I invite women to share their stories. As I believe quite literally passing the mic for other women is what builds sisterhood and true inclusivity: let women have a voice and be heard.
Photo by @julia_liebisch during Monika’s “Midsummer Sisterhood” shoot
K: What is one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?
M: Done is better than perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. There will be obstacles you would have never imagined starting out, so no matter how long you prepared, you would have always encountered them. But at the same time when you start doing something that resonates with others, you’ll get the boost of energy that will make it possible to move mountains.
K: What does being a woman mean to you?
M: It means I have a deep understanding of life, as I can create one inside my body if I want to. It means I have the power to bleed for a week straight and not die. It means I connect with other sisters through the experiences of our bodies and the fight for gender equality. It means empathy, love for all living creatures, understanding different perspectives. This applies of course not only to women, but I feel that we all have both male and female qualities inside of us. I think that the qualities that women so often have plenty of should be more welcomed into the world, as we will all benefit from it.
Menstruation shot by Monika
K: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
M: I love how Lizzo is just doing what feels right to her and not caring what anybody thinks. Extremely talented, hard working and a gorgeous woman doing what she’s best at: making music, singing about things that matter in a way that’s widely accessible. She’s the clear example to me that art doesn’t have to be overly complicated to be meaningful. She’s showing other women that no one has a right to tell you what to do and how to look like. To paraphrase what I said before: Lizzo knows she’s the beholder of beauty.
I would just tell her thank you and (hopefully) we could take a selfie together.
The Crown Jewel shot by Monika