Crystal
TW (Trigger warning) // Discussions of depression and suicide
“Thank you for staying, thank you for sharing your light and goodness with the world.”
Crystal has survived a relentless battle with mental illness. When her mind continued to tell her to give up and turn her back on life, she fought. Now she shares her story to remind others who might be struggling that they are not alone, and that they have so much to live for. Her resilience stems from her ability to keep going against all odds. These experiences have made her grateful for the opportunity to grow; she now welcomes her ever-changing self and is driven by her dreams. Crystal is on a journey, learning to value herself for who she is rather than what she does. She is a survivor whose remarkable strength isn’t defined by the adversities she’s faced but how she overcame them. Meet Crystal. This is her story.
P: Please introduce yourself!
C: Hòigh, I'm Crystal Akita. Currently, I am located in New South Wales, Australia. I was born and raised in Aotearoa (New Zealand).
P: Describe yourself in your own words
C: Evolutionary would be the only world that seems truly fitting. Constantly open to rebirth. In the understanding that through each stage of life, I seem to meet a new woman. Who I am at this moment is the culmination of previous versions of who I once was. An individual who is learning, growing, and facing new experiences daily. To become a different person next year compared to I am today is a gift many have no chance to discover. Something I am grateful to experience.
P: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
C: Within myself, my favourite trait would be my personal resilience. The ability I have learned. To overcome and continue to pursue the things I want despite the roadblocks that may come. As someone who has felt vulnerable and unable to recover. Becoming stronger and resilient is something I regard as a trait learned through hardship.
P: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that has defined you or made you stronger?
C: "The doors of eternity swing on small hinges." Essentially, so do we.
In literature, we reflect on the catastrophic events that change or scar a character. Yes, these events happen, and no one is immune. They define a moment in our lives. However, it appears that the small actions in those times change us and strengthen us.
The years of depression so severe I could barely move did not strengthen me. But learning how to prioritize my health through small things - through forcing myself to take care of my health - that made me stronger.
It wasn’t the suicide attempts that made me stronger, it was the non glorified laying in bed crying, silently fighting with myself to not try again. It was not the damage I did to my body in such events, it was dragging myself out of bed to strengthen and choosing to heal my body when I had no motivation or desire. That gave me enduring strength.
Losing the sport in which for over ten years held my identity due to injury, knocked me. Made me feel like all was lost as though I had lost myself. Losing a sport I had dedicated my entire life to was devastating. But learning how to define myself through my personality strengthened me.
Each time I've almost lost myself. I've rediscovered who I truly am. Without external identifiers.
This has given me strength and value in who I am, not merely what I do.
P: What is one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?
C: Choose a better life. It does not feel like a choice now.
It will be arduous work, but in honesty, no one else will care if you make it or not.
So make it better. For yourself.
P: What does being a woman mean to you?
C: Being a woman means being a creature of immense strength and grace. To be unified with others in a sisterhood, and empowered by those who came before.
To understand what it is to be a woman is to understand divine power and strength. In all forms, in the raw moments where we feel our weakest, where we feel ourselves breaking - there is strength.
P: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say?
C: To you, the wonderful soul reading this, you inspire me, you have made it this far. Through every hardship you have overcome, every time you felt like giving up, and didn't.
To my ancestors who came before, thank you for paving the way and showing me how to face hardships with dignity and the strength of a warrior.
Thank you for staying, thank you for sharing your light and goodness with the world.
