Annabel
“Question what is expected of you, of what you expect for yourself, of what we are told and of how the world works.”
Despite what she’s been through, and the health challenges she has had to face, Annabel always dances forward. Whether at work or in the ballroom, she works hard, challenges herself and is always focussed. She is deeply compassionate for the wellbeing of other humans and animals alike. She denies labels and navigates through life with grace, strength and determination. Meet Annabel. This is her story.
P: Please introduce yourself!
A: My name is Annabel Hay. I am a 33-year-old woman living in London, currently coming to the end of our 3rd lockdown due to the pandemic. Fingers crossed this will be the last one!
I went to ‘stage school’ to study musical theatre but had to leave early, (more on that later) and since then have been very lucky to fall into jobs that I love. I have worked in schools with children with autism, started my own dance school with my sister, created charity community programmes for older adults and teens with special needs, put on large-scale events on the other side of the world, and am currently working in the events team for a brilliant charity using sport to change the lives of young people. I feel lucky to have loved the places I have worked and the work I have done.
Outside of work, I love the theatre and I still dance, but now compete in Latin and Ballroom. I am very competitive as a person, so I love the thrill of these competitions. I am hoping when the world opens up again, I will be back on the dance floor, fully tanned and glammed up!
I am also a huge animal lover and have been lucky enough to volunteer at a few animal sanctuaries. The one that has a special place in my heart is the Soi Dog Foundation in Phuket, where I have spent a few months at different times in my life. This past year I also signed up to foster cats for the RSPCA….it didn’t last very long, as I have just adopted the 2nd cat they gave me to look after. The first pet in what I hope will be a menagerie, once I have the space to keep more!
P: Describe yourself in your own words.
A: I know I can be neurotic, competitive, obsessive and stubborn. We always know our less endearing qualities better that the positive ones, but those things all make me who I am and can be very useful in life.
I also like to think I am caring, kind, resilient, curious and strong.
I am an Omnivert – sometimes I love to be the extrovert in crowds and centre of attention, or the leader of an idea or plan; other days I want to be a complete introvert, alone and happy in my own space and company, or waiting to speak and share my ideas rather than pushing them forward. Introvert qualities are so often seen as the negative attributes someone can have, that we should all strive to be that outgoing outspoken personality, but I disagree. It is important to make sure all those voices in the room can be heard, or you will miss so much of what people have to say and offer. The balance of both types is how we learn, working with both types of people is how we develop and mixing with both types of people is how we grow.
P: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
A: Being a coin of two sides. Give me the sofa and a series to binge, I am happy. Tell me about a chance for adventure and exploration and sign me up! I have had some amazing life experiences and high-adrenalin times, I can be fearless and surprise myself with that sometimes. 5* hotel? Lovely! 12 bed hostel share? You know you are going to meet some amazing people and have some new stories!
P: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that has defined you or made you stronger?
A: I strive to not let this experience continue to define me, but it does, and it is just learning to live with the new reality and making the most of it. There are far worse stories than this I know!
At 18, I was hospitalised with meningococcal meningitis and septicaemia. I was at peak fitness, as I was in full-time dance college and had no idea of the after effects of something like this. The rash came up on my feet, so we were just relieved (and continue to be) that I didn’t lose them. After being released from intensive care, and finally from hospital, I thought I would soon be back to normal.
Meningitis causes your brain to swell and afterwards my brain stopped making serotonin, the hormone that makes you feel happiness. My mum and nan who were caring for me were worried by the person who was always the easy going one, crying all the time, angry and hopeless. I went back to college, which in hindsight was definitely the wrong decision, but we thought it would help. I lasted another year there, but only part time as I was too tired to fully train. The ‘tired’ feeling soon overcame me and I dropped out and had to stay in bed for months and was diagnosed with ‘Chronic Fatigue Syndrome’, or ME. I was too tired to dress myself, bathe myself; my mum had a baby to look after again. I don’t know how she did it as she was still working full time. Super-nan was living next door though and I know I wouldn’t have coped without them there to care for me, not just the physical side, but the ongoing mental frustration and ‘why me?’ question.
Fast forward 10 years, and A LOT of ups and downs. I was holding down a full-time job that I loved, we had sadly lost my nan after battling with dementia, I was out the other side of an emotionally abusive relationship and the chronic fatigue was just about manageable. Through intense planning of when and what I was doing every week and where I was spending my energy, I wasn’t having as many ‘crashes’. Crashing meant, when I had pushed myself too hard, I would pass out and then be in bed for a few weeks while my body rebuilt its energy. It was about learning to balance not doing too much to tip over the edge, but doing enough so your body didn’t get too used to just lying down. I had lost most friends by this point, who didn’t understand me cancelling plans due to being too tired, but I had the true friends left so I guess that was a blessing. Many people still don’t see this as a real condition, which is an ongoing frustration and makes me quite self-conscious when telling people I have it. So my 20s were pretty anti-social times.
At 29 I was craving adventure. I decided to get my working holiday visa for New Zealand (initially for 1year). A month before I was supposed to fly, they found a tumour between by spine and lung. Fair to say my mum had a hard to job to calm me down when told they were scanning my whole body for cancer, while they waited for results to see if it was benign or malignant. After a long 2 weeks, I felt blessed to learn it was benign. They thought it looked as though it could be turning into something more dangerous and so said it needed to come out. The operation was booked for the date I was supposed to fly. I had 2 operations, as I was bleeding out after the first time, so they had to go back in, but I was ok. Mum was back on nursing duty as I moved back in and she had the not so fun job of managing my pain (something that still hadn’t been sorted) and building strength back up. I flew out to New Zealand for what ended up being 2 years, 6 weeks later. Crazy behaviour, but I couldn’t be told no. I didn’t want to put life on hold again (even for a few weeks) due to illness.
So although the Chronic fatigue can still define me to an extent, and is something I do need to tell people so they understand that I can’t always manage their busy schedules, I am stronger for it. I know my own body and what I can do, and how far I can push myself. It makes me want to do more and make the most of what I can do. My 20s were a bit of a right off when it comes to life experience, but I don’t think I am doing too badly at making the most of my 30s. I am looking forward to picking that up again once lockdown ends and I have gotten over being anxious and overwhelmed about getting back to normal. It is time to make the most of life again!
P: What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
A: I remind myself of this regularly, as it is something I still forget.
Ask questions of everything! Question what is expected of you, of what you expect for yourself, of what we are told and of how the world works. Ask questions of the new people you meet, especially those who cross your path that have lived such a different life to you, learn from them, it will be fascinating. This will help you fully understand who you are, don’t bend that to fit into what others expect of you.
I live a different life than the one I planned at age 11, and although I do sometimes question it, I am very happy. I may not have found ‘the one’ yet and be up to my eyes in kids, but that doesn’t mean I never will. But that has allowed me to do a lot of other things, meet new people and see a lot of places which are incredible in their own way. Happiness is not one image or answer, find your own.
P: What does being a woman mean to you?
A: As a woman I know you can sometimes be underestimated. But it is exactly that, it is an under estimation of everything you can do. We are people, and we can achieve whatever we set our minds to. We can celebrate the femininity and masculinity in all genders. I like to do things that are seen as typically female but also typically male, it is just what I personally enjoy doing. Just be yourself and live your life as you want to, as long as you are not hurting and bringing others down. Being a woman to me, is just living my life.
P: Who is one woman who inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
A: I meet women all the time that inspire me. My current CEO has shown me a woman in power who leads in her own way and hasn’t felt the need to become the ‘bullish’ woman we stereo type as the woman in business. She leads with empathy and strength that is inspiring to all in the company.
My mum has so much inner strength that she doesn’t even realise it, but I wish she did. Selfless to the core but please don’t forget to look out for yourself too!
My sister has a drive like no one else I have ever met. She leads with the heart in all she does. She cares about friends and family with every ounce of her being, and professionally she settles for nothing less than perfection. Her success is based solely on her talent, creativity and drive and that is inspiring to so many people; but she doesn’t see it, it is just who she is. I am terrible at expressing how I feel to people and so I need to say these things to her more often. When you give your everything in life, it can be hard when you don’t receive the same in return or things don’t always work out. What I want to say to her is to keep going the way she is, keep putting out that energy, and focus on what is ahead - not what has come before. Take the positivity in yourself and run with it, you are unstoppable.