Andrea
“I think being a woman is about trying to manage all of that extra shit, and still somehow excel, or at least survive.”
Andrea is fun-loving, intelligent and kind. She is always interested in learning - whether it be from a lecture, a book or a conversation. She is easy to be around, and incredibly welcoming to those she has only just meant. Meet Andrea. This is her story.
Andrea on a sunset run (her happy place)
P: Please introduce yourself!
A: My name is Andrea Scrivener and I am 30 years old. I live in Toronto and work as a Project Manager at a large community hospital. I love fantasy epics (not romance fantasy - like Lord of the Rings, etc), running, friendship, sunshine and travel.
P: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
A: My favourite thing about myself is my sense of spontaneity, fun and adventure. It’s actually not a trait that I often cultivate because I’m also a planner, and I spend so much time “adulting”, but when I’m able to let loose I love feeling such a fantastic sense of freedom.
P: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that had defined you or made you stronger?
A: When I was in university I dated a guy who was battling a number of mental health issues; he had severe depression and anxiety, suicidal tendencies, addiction, psychosis and I think he was later diagnosed as manic depressive. We were together for three years and became quite co-dependent. It’s so hard watching someone you care about go through that, and I was his only support network. I worked hard to convince him to seek help but didn’t get very far, probably because I was dealing with my own issues at the same time.
Our co-dependence and the burden I felt caring for him really affected me negatively - I skipped class all the time to be with him, we had intense and terrible fights, we would drink and smoke weed a lot, and I let a lot of things I valued in life (health, relationships) slide.
Breaking out of that relationship was really hard, because I felt that he wouldn’t be able to cope without me, and because I had forgotten how to be the version of “me” where we weren’t together. Eventually though, I gathered enough strength to put myself first and go my own way. I felt incredible guilt for leaving him for years afterwards - he ended up getting kicked out of school and lost touch with all of our friends, so I didn’t really know what happened to him and I always worried that he would end up killing himself.
But I learned so much from that relationship; I learned the importance of retaining independence and self-hood in relationships and finding a partner who will do the same; I learned how prioritizing the things that I value makes me a better person and partner; I learned how debilitating mental health issues can be, and how to support someone to seek help - and how withdrawing that support can be what finally pushes someone to seek the help they need.
P: What is one piece of advice you’d give your younger self?
A: I know it’s a bit cliché, but I’d say, don’t stress too much about the future, and enjoy your youth! 30 was a big milestone for me, and looking back, I spent so much of my 20s worrying about my career path and feeling like I was behind my peers. In hindsight I should have realized that hard work and dedication would pay off eventually - so enjoy yourself, party, take risks, stay up late, go out, be wild - because the older you get the harder it is to fit those things in and find the energy for them.
P: What does being a woman mean to you?
A: It’s funny - my name actually comes from the Greek word for “manly or virile”, and truthfully I’ve never felt very feminine or masculine, more so just a person. I don’t think there are traits that are inherent to any gender. I do think our experiences, culture and society shape what it means for each person to be a woman or a man. And thanks to the 20th/21st century Western culture and society in which I was raised, my experiences have taught me that being a woman means you have to put up with a lot of shit: sexism; unwanted advances; periods, period cramps and PMS; unrealistic standards around our bodies; added responsibilities as home-maker, caregiver, and career-woman; added expenses (pink tax), just to name a few (this doesn’t even count the oppression that women still face across the globe).
I’m sure there are some benefits to womanhood as well (insert something about the magic of carrying a child or something), but for the most part I think being a woman is about trying to manage all of that extra shit, and still somehow excel, or at least survive.
P: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
A: I am always so awed by the trailblazing women of the 20th century - but if I had to pick one I would say Marie Curie (yes, I am a huge nerd). Here I am, complaining about all the shit women have to put up with, but she had to put up with so much more.
Marie Curie was such a badass. In a time where women barely attended university she got a doctorate, and went on to win two Nobel prizes. She is the only person in history to have done so in two separate fields, chemistry and physics. We are so lucky that women like her pushed the boundaries and showed the world that women have so much to offer. I often think of the wasted potential of generations of women that were forced to stay at home, remain uneducated and oppressed. Her legacy goes beyond her accomplishments in science, she set a precedent that allowed women like us to be viewed and treated as equals in a masculine-dominated world.
I would want to thank Marie Curie, and let her know what an impact her life made on this world, not just for generations of young girls who were inspired to study science, but her impact on the field of science itself. I’d ask what was her motivation to overcome barriers to pursue her career - was it a love for science, was it a feminist spirit, was it a strong support network, or her upbringing? I’d want to know what we can do to support other women around the world to overcome the barriers that women face and to live out their potential and make amazing contributions to in their chosen fields.