Amber
“Life is going to be about your choices. Every choice. Every day. Every person. Every opportunity. Every lesson. Choices either take you forward, backward or keep you stagnant. Even not choosing is a choice to let the chips fall where they may. I would also say ‘You matter. Choose well.’”
Amber is helping to transform how women look at their retirement years. After moving on from a job she had worked at for over four decades with plans to take advantage of her new found leisure time, COVID-19 hit and completely shifted her intentions. Despite this setback, the pandemic has given her the proper time to reflect on what retirement truly means, defining this phase of life as a period of rediscovering self. She is someone who searches for silver linings in moments of adversity, and celebrates each little victory along the way. Although she had a challenging upbringing, this built her into a fiercely independent woman, and helped to strengthen her belief in the power of choices. Meet Amber. This is her story.
K: Please introduce yourself!
A: Hi, my name is Amber Kincheloe, I have lived in California 63 out of 64 years. But after 41 years of being bossed around working in a grocery store 95% of nights/weekends/holidays & missing out on all the parties & festivals, I finally retired 2 years ago ready to enjoy all that I had missed.
But wait...
Nope.
Covid.
Damn.
New plan.
My new plan is inspiring retired/empty nest women who want to live with passion & purpose. ‘3rd Life Rising’, the 1st part of life is in our parents home, the 2nd is life on our own, the 3rd is a new freedom to become who we may have lost along the way. The business is new, a little bold, add a bit of ex hippy & it is beginning to grow.
K: Describe yourself in your own words
A: For years my mantra has been ‘Peace, Love & Joy’. I think it encompasses so much of oneself & spreads out to the world through each of us. It isn’t always easy to live it, but it is always the place to come back to.
My faith has held me when I couldn’t hold myself. There are times in life when we all break, faith was my saving grace.
I also throw a great theme party, I would give up my car for a swimming pool & I have a naughty sense of humor.
K: What is your favourite thing about yourself?
A: I finally approve of myself. It is so wonderful & freeing to not care about anybody else’s approval of me any longer. After my first marriage ended in 1999, I really did a lot of self work on my esteem, healing my inner lifetime wounds, figuring out who I am & what I stand for. I know my strengths - I am kind, honest, ethical, compassionate, intelligent, I also know my faults - I am opinionated, stubborn & defensive. I like me. Not everything about me obviously, but I like who I am.
K: Tell us a story. Have you had an experience that has defined you or made you stronger?
A: My mother was mentally ill, never kept a job, we were constantly moving & always running from landlords, bills, etc.. Growing up I went to 13 schools, so long term friendships are not really a part of my life. But what I learned is that I can always make new friends, even if they are temporary. I learned that I never go alone - I go with me & God goes with me. My mother handed me off a lot. I always knew she loved me & I finally came to terms that her giving me away was loving me the very best she could & for that I could forgive her & accept her.
Personally I don’t believe that things happen for a reason. What I do believe is that good can come from bad things. Because of my younger life there are many blessings I have learned - I am a survivor, I am independent, strong, hopeful, compassionate.
K: What is one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?
A: “Choices!!! Life is going to be about your choices. Every choice. Every day. Every person. Every opportunity. Every lesson. Choices either take you forward, backward or keep you stagnant. Even not choosing is a choice to let the chips fall where they may.” I would also say “You matter. Choose well.”
K: What does being a woman mean to you?
A: We are the nurturers, the givers, the peacemakers, the softer hearts. What a privilege to have been born a woman. We have had to work so hard to be accepted as equal, & we are still not there really. I don’t understand a lack of equality in life, for any life be it human, creature or earth. I think being a woman means taking the best of our qualities & lifting the world, because without us what would become of love and kindness?
K: Who is one woman that inspires you? What would you say to her if she were here now?
A: Who inspires me? My grandmothers. Both of them.
My maternal grandma - Zeve, fled Iran in the early 1900’s, very young & handed off to my Grandfather - to take her to America. She never spoke English, but she raised 8 children, had the best garden, the softest face & took me in when my mother couldn’t handle life. It was by her side that I learned what home meant.
My paternal grandma - Nana, grew up in the south during the depression, barely finished 4th grade, hopped trains, welded ships underwater during the war, ironed other women's laundry, & could make biscuits & gravy blindfolded probably. Nana was nothing but love.
They were both brave, strong women who endured really difficult circumstances & deserved a much easier life.
I would tell them that they more than anyone else taught me love, I miss them & am so grateful for them in my life.